Snob, Vain, Pretentious: A Field Guide for the Terminally Polite

This blurb is for educational purposes only.

Any resemblance to an annoying, shallow, pretentious, self-centred, I-I-I, Me-Me-Me person is entirely coincidental.

If you recognise yourself, though, congratulations on the self-awareness.

The linguistic research was ignited by my deep irritation at people using words whose meanings they don’t actually know. It also shows that my patience has finally expired.

Let’s speak about the difference between being a snob, vain or pretentious.

Here we go with the simple version.

Snob: What you value in other people/things. “Some things and people are superior, and I want to be associated with them.”

Vain: What you think about yourself. “I am impressive, attractive, talented, important, etc., and I want people to notice.”

Pretentious: How you present yourself. “I want to appear more sophisticated, important, educated, artistic, etc. than I really am.”

Apparently, one person can be all three.

…imagine having such a waste of human resources as a friend/colleague or anything close to you?

Here is the long and boring version, describing the three types (there is an extra type, something like a bonus)

A snob makes distinctions of status or superiority.

It is not simply having expensive or refined tastes.

If someone says: “I prefer handmade Italian shoes because I like the craftsmanship.” That isn’t necessarily snobbish.

But: “I could never wear shoes from that shop. Ordinary people buy there.” Now we’re getting into snobbery.

The crucial element is social hierarchy. A snob doesn’t merely think: “This is better.” They tend toward: “This is better, and therefore the people associated with it are better.”

And snobbery can attach itself to almost anything: wine, literature, universities, food, clothing, music, accents, neighbourhood, cars, professions, political or intellectual circles, even a “anti-snob” lifestyles…supposedly…

There are cultural snobs, intellectual snobs, class snobs, art snobs, food snobs, etc.

A person who says: “I don’t read commercial fiction, I only read serious literature.” may simply have a literary preference.

A person who says: “People who read commercial fiction aren’t serious readers.” is expressing snobbery.

Apparently, there is a test for snobbery.

Ask: “Does the person’s preference become a judgment about the people who don’t share it?”

If yes, snobbery is probably involved.

Vain is much more self-centred.

A vain person is excessively concerned with their appearance, attractiveness, achievements, abilities, possessions or importance.

For example: “I spent two hours getting my hair perfect because I want everyone to notice me.”

Vain.

“I can’t stand being photographed from my left side because my right side is much better.”

Vain.

“Everyone knows I’m the most talented person in this room.”

Very probably vain.

But vanity isn’t necessarily about physical appearance.

Someone can be intellectually vain: “I already knew that. I usually understand these things faster than other people.”

Or professionally vain: “They couldn’t possibly have produced this without me.”

Or artistically vain: “My work is simply on another level.”

The important thing is excessive self-regard.

A vain person wants the mirror to confirm something about themselves.

This one is subtler.

Pretentiousness is about trying to appear more impressive, sophisticated, cultured, intellectual, important or profound than one actually is.

The word contains an element of performance.

For example:

Someone genuinely loves classical music and says: “I love Mahler. The Fifth Symphony is particularly important to me.”

Not pretentious.

Someone who barely knows classical music says: “Mahler’s late-period metaphysical deconstruction of bourgeois tonality is something only a truly cultivated listener can appreciate.”

That might be pretentious.

Especially if they have just discovered Mahler yesterday and couldn’t tell you what instrument begins the symphony.

The pretentious person is essentially putting on a costume of sophistication.

And the costume doesn’t have to be intellectual.

Someone might be pretentious about: food, architecture, art, fashion, language, travel, spirituality, politics, literature, lifestyle

Even deliberately obscure language can be pretentious when its purpose is to make the speaker appear clever rather than to communicate something clearly.

The really useful distinction

Imagine three people looking at a very expensive painting.

The snob: “Obviously it’s worth more than the paintings in that little local gallery. Look where it is exhibited.”

Their attention is on status.

The vain person: “The artist mentioned ME when I visited the exhibition. He clearly recognised that I understand art.”

Their attention is on themselves.

The pretentious person: “The canvas interrogates the ontological instability of visual perception within late-capitalist semiotics.”

Their attention is on appearing sophisticated.

…imagine if the painting is a picture of a chair!

They can overlap

This is where everyday usage gets messy.

A person can be:

Vain + pretentious “I’m an exceptionally gifted writer. Most readers aren’t sophisticated enough to understand my work.”

They have exaggerated self-regard and are presenting themselves as intellectually superior.

“I only attend independent European cinema festivals. Hollywood simply isn’t intellectually serious.”

They are establishing cultural superiority and presenting themselves as sophisticated.

“I don’t associate with people who dress badly. I take considerable pride in being well dressed.”

They care about social distinction and their own appearance.

“I only wear bespoke clothes, read obscure French philosophers and associate with serious artists. Frankly, most people wouldn’t understand my circle.”

There is another important distinction: confidence

This is where people often misuse these words.

Confidence is not vanity.

Someone can say: “I’m a very good violinist.”

That isn’t automatically vain. If they have played professionally for decades and actually are very good, it may simply be an accurate statement.

Likewise: “I know quite a lot about literature.” isn’t pretentious if the person actually does.

And: “I prefer opera to pop music.” isn’t snobbish.

The problem appears when self-assessment, presentation or preference becomes disproportionate, performative or hierarchical.

So:

Confidence: “I’m good at this.”

Vanity: “I need you to recognise how good I am.”

Pretentiousness: “I need you to believe I’m something more sophisticated than I really am.”

Snobbery: “People who aren’t like me or don’t appreciate what I appreciate are beneath me.”

And there is a fascinating fourth word: elitist, the bonus for reading this article.

This overlaps with snobbery but isn’t identical.

An elitist believes that a particular elite, group or class should have greater influence, authority or access because of superior ability, knowledge, status, achievement, etc.

That can be ideological or institutional.

A snob is more often concerned with social distinction and taste.

For example:

“Only people with advanced musical training should decide how conservatories teach composition.” That’s potentially elitist.

“I wouldn’t be caught dead listening to what they listen to.” That’s snobbish.

And: “I understand music at a level ordinary listeners simply can’t reach.” That’s potentially vain or pretentious, depending on whether the claim is true and how it is presented.

One final distinction I think is particularly useful.

You can have excellent taste without being a snob.

You can be highly educated without being pretentious.

You can be proud of yourself without being vain.

And you can recognise that something is objectively better without believing that everyone who prefers something else is inferior.

That’s probably the cleanest dividing line:

Taste says: “I prefer this.”

Expertise says: “I understand why this works.”

Confidence says: “I’m good at this.”

Vanity says: “Notice how good I am.”

Pretentiousness says: “Please believe I’m more sophisticated than I am.”

Snobbery says: “People who don’t share my preferences are beneath me.”

That’s why, I am going to take the next step: a research on how to deal with any of these. Stay tuned.

It is because, we must learn not to confuse politeness with protecting other people’s egos. There is no need to keep brushing aside pretension, especially when knowledge, taste, or some subject is being used primarily to signal superiority. Also, making oneself smaller through self-deprecation simply to keep the peace in the moment and the smile to one’s face.

It is about no longer wanting to participate in a social ritual that asks us to be less honest so someone else can remain comfortable. Not to become less polite, but to stop treating another person’s ego as the price of civility.

So, next time you describe someone as a snob, vain, pretentious or elitist, choose carefully. Precision matters.

And if you can’t decide which one they are, just walk away. Life is too short for a differential diagnosis.

Does that sound snobbish? Oh, well. At least I’m using the word correctly.